The Purpose of Raspberry

Today, in the middle of completely mundane task of preparing lunch, I suddenly recalled one of the oldest memories I have of my childhood.

I was born in a small mountain town and my grandma would be often taking me for walks in surrounding woods. By the end of the summer the woods would be full (for a given value of full) of raspberries and blackberries, and, like every kid, I loved picking and eating them, ripe and sweet.

Well, at one point, I must have been 2 -3 years old, probably one of the first times I indulged in harvesting the fruits of the wild, my grandmother saw me and warned me not to eat the berries without washing them first. Fair enough, although back then I asked her the most devastating of questions all parents and grandparents dread, the inquisitive "why".

The answer still haunts me, occasionally, since it was fairly inventive and burned an eternal image in my young and easily shaped mind.

My grandma told me not to eat the fruit without washing it, since mice climb up the bushes and then pee on the berries.

I swear, till today I can still picture a mouse needing very badly to "answer the call of nature", frantically searching for the nearest raspberry bush, climbing it, quickly picking up the ripest berry, carefully positioning itself balancing on its two hind legs (I was a small boy and that's how I peed) and then peeing all over it.

Kudos for inventive parenting :)

Of course, since I've spent a lot of my childhood years running wild in the woods, I've eaten my share of all kinds of berries, in my mind most of them quite probably used as rodent lavatory on regular basis, and this only taught me not to be too picky regarding the quality and origin of any kind of food obtained by means other than being bought in a supermarket.

Oh, the bliss of being a kid.

I guess sometimes, when you really want your berries, extra serving of mice piss is a small price to pay, so to speak ;)

Step One

That's it, the time has come to spring to action. I've started the blog, I've defined my goals and quite a few of you have asked me what items on the list have I started working on so far....

Well, so far, to be completely honest, none.

Since I don't want to be just all talk and no action, tomorrow morning (it's 8 pm now, cut me some slack) I am about to start working out, big time.

Every year, by the end of winter, I swear I'm gonna start losing extra kilos and firming up, so when the summer comes I can go to the beach without feeling too self conscious about my love handles and lack of defined musculature. This time though, my dear friends, to hell with "I'd like to...".

From tomorrow on I'm lifting weight, skipping rope and doing who knows what else and by the time summer comes I'll be in shape. The moment I press the "publish" button it will become an official statement, too, and if you see me in couple of months and it still looks like my clothes is tad too tight (not on purpose, that is), feel free to rub it in my face ;)

One more thing (which will hopefully inspire you to leave some comments, for once). How do you feel about "BEFORE" and "AFTER" pictures? I'm not bold enough to post a semi-naked pic of myself without a direct request and encouragement, but if at least 10 people think it's a good idea (for the sake of comparison), I'm game.

Let me know soon, though, from tomorrow on I'm a home-gym rat again... ;)

Walking Memory

Today I've had a few brilliant ideas I sure as hell wanted to add to my Ultimate List. I was on my way to lesson (for those of you who don't know, at the moment I teach English, what a blast, eh?), the afternoon sun was slowly about to start setting (it was actually a bit of a gloomy and chilly day, but hey, this is my story, why do I live in Greece if I can't rub it in your faces, right?) and for once I wasn't listening to any music and one after another, the most brilliant ideas started flooding my head.

I was in a really good mood and a bit of a hurry and since they were such a great ideas and there's no way I could forget them, I didn't really stop to write them down. Which, my friends, turned out to be a major mistake, since now, when I finally got home, the only one I can remember is about re-reading my high school textbooks and finding out what of what they hold I've ever really used in my life.

Anyway, I'll still add that one to the list, but at least this whole experience made me realize a few things.

First of all, it seems when listening to music my mind goes blank. I mean, I sing or whistle along, of course, but other than that, the lights are on, but no one's home.

Secondly, walking really helps me to think. To be more specific, it gives me an opportunity to use the grey matter, unlike so many other daily activities (TV, PC, teaching small kids and so on, which is basically how I spend my time these days). Nothing groundbreaking, I know, but after I got home and started wondering what to call this post, I googled up "walking memory" and ho!, it turns out I wasn't very far from the truth, as showed, for instance, by BBC (article is here).

So, for all of you who spend too much time every day just sitting around, get up and get out and walk, walk, walk! It's for your own good ;)

The Ultimate List

The Ultimate List is a list of all the things I'd like to do before I end up 6 feet under, not only of those I'd like to do before the big 30. No need for further explanation, I think ;) So, one deep breath.... and here we go....

I'd like to:

• swim with dolphins
• own a house with inner courtyard
• go on safari
• see wild lemurs on Madagascar
• with my own hands help any of the primate-protecting organizations or sanctuaries
• make a connection with an elephant
• make a difference
• do some volunteer work in Africa or Asia
• visit the place where my great grandfather had his 90th birthday party
• see my grandma before she passes away
• get to meet my biological father and my half sister and half brother
• spend a night camping by myself in a real wilderness
• create my own flying device and enter the Redbull competition
• make my family and people I care about to feel loved by me (I hope they do anyway, but still...)
• go surfing to Hawaii
• be really fit (I'm talking six pack and 5% of body fat)
• visit Gerard Durrell's zoo
• see Cher (best case scenario: performing) 
• meet Eithne P. Ní Bhraonáin
• go scuba diving in any kind of borderline dangerous settings (sharks, shipwrecks etc.)
• see Stonehenge
• visit the Pyramids
• set my foot on all 7 continents
• publish at least one successful novel
• see penguins in their natural environment
• get a metal detector and find something cool
• shoot a revolver
• create something extraordinary out of precious metals and stones
• grow chesthair :D
• make sure I get cremated and a diamond is made from my ashes
• give a chance to someone who wouldn't have it otherwise
• have a study made of have heavy old wood and a bookcase/library with a ladder
• build a pond
• build a garden, plant some trees and make it all look like a piece of deep woods just landed on my backyard
• take a road trip of USA - east to west coast
• fly in a hot air balloon
• do skydiving
• participate in development of a 3D rpg or mmorpg game
• eat in a classy restaurant all by myself
• go to movies on my own and have a great time
• touch a whale
• cross the polar circle
• see the northern lights
• be in Rio de Janeiro for the Carnival (and go wild)
  
• go to Mardi Gras in New Orleans
• shave my head
• get a tattoo
• visit a Buddhist temple
• go a whole month without watching TV, using computer or a cellphone
• milk a cow

As far as bucket lists go, it's still not very long, but hey, it's just the beginning. Check The Ultimate List section often, since I intend on expanding it all the time. If you have any suggestions, let me know! If you have a bucket list on your own, feel free to leave a link in comments ;)

The Plan and The List

The Plan

Well, here's the plan. I want to find balance in my life. It's as simple as that. I'm kind of thinking about it as of  being terminally ill and putting my affairs in order before the time runs out.

I'm going to focus on and try to improve four different areas of my life (listed alphabetically, not in order of importance), that have direct impact on levels of my happiness and satisfaction:

• Career (and all that is related to me having one, from education to work performance)
• Personal Growth (physical, intellectual and possibly spiritual, many of the goals are things I've always wanted to do, but just kept on putting them off for later... feeling of achievement is what I'm going for)
• Relationships (both romantic and social)
• Situational (depending on 2 or more other categories, thus undefinable)

For each category I'm going to make a "To Do" list and work my way through it before I turn 30. Some items will be a one-time tasks, other will be of more continuous nature. Because I'm not good at foreseeing and anticipating, for the time being I will not restrict individual goals to any kind of time frame (except the final deadline), but again, your opinions are welcome...


The List

I will not explain each item on the list right away, since this would make the list itself rather long and complicated. Instead, whenever I start working on particular goal, I will explain its' significance or background story in the post.


Career:

• Pay off the University debt
• Re-read all the university text books
• Improve my graphic design skills
• Finish my unfinishable novel (publishing is optional)

Personal Growth:

• First and foremost, become more proactive (sadly, I'm a thinker, not a doer)
• Start working out, again
• Start jogging
• Start a martial art class
• Quit smoking (completely, at the moment  I smoke 2-4 cigarettes a day)
• Horse riding
• Scuba diving
• Surfing (or at least wind surfing, I've always wanted to try and never really made it happen)
• Find out what really happened to my cat 
• Visit my "flying dog's" grave
• Stop eating junk food when on my own (actually, I'm not a bad cook, most of the time I just can't be bothered to cook for one)

Relationships:

• Take the current one to the next level - either we are compatible or we are not, in which case it might be time to move on
• Visit my family (haven't seen them in 3 years, some of them even more than that)
• Reconnect with people I care about but I've lost touch with (mostly due to my shortcomings) 
• Meet my biological father for the first time in my life

Situational:

• Living situation (moving to a cheaper flat, moving in with my better half, getting a roommate or possibly leaving Greece altogether)
• Decide whether I want to get masters degree and if so, how to make financially possible

This list it most definitely not definite, since I believe overtime I'll add more and more items and goals, so don't forget to check "The Plan and The List" section every now and then to get the updates.

The Processee

Here I am, my name is Jake and I am about to turn 29, which means the 30th year of my life will begin. I'm (fairly) well educated, not (too) bad looking, (relatively) optimistic and (possibly) quite smart next door guy and my life is a complete and utter mess. Thus, I've decided to give myself one year and see what I can do about it. My goal is to make my life work by 27/05/2012, the day when I turn 30.


So, what have I done with my life up until now and why is it a mess?


Truth is, up until now I've lived very full, very interesting and fairly adventurous life. You could say this is due to the fact that I always live in the moment, I tend to go with what seems to be the best idea at the time, I'm spontaneous and I want to learn as much about this wonderful world of ours as possible.

Right! After years of pondering, I would say it is due to the complete inability to look and plan ahead, lack of any kind of impulse control and attention span of a goldfish.

I mean, I've left my homeland when I was 19 and I eventually moved to Greece, where, somehow, after few years of academic break, I've managed to major in Psychology at one of the many British universities (I still haven't been able to pay for it, though). I was on a sinking cruise ship (and I almost stayed there, ha). I was arrested in a bank (that's a good one). I've met bunch of interesting people and, of course, I've slept with quite a few of them (but, being a gentleman, I don't kiss and tell). I was in an extremely unhealthy and abusive relationship (after the break up we lived together but haven't spoken to each other for 2 and 1/2 years, not a single sentence) and the relationship I'm in right now is more than great, but the price I pay is, literally, me being practically unemployed (long story... apparently, nothing ever is simple, at least not for me).

So, I've been places and I've had fun, but, despite all the interesting stuff that I've seen and done, my life doesn't actually lead anywhere and frankly, I'm not happy with it, not happy at all. I've always assumed that comes the big 30 I'll have a great career, my life will have a meaning and will be full of big and small achievements and I'll be ridiculously independent. And cool.

You see, since I was a kid, I've always had this feeling of being so damn special, that I just knew that one day, when I grow up, everything I'll try is gonna work out for me like magic, without much of any kind of effort. The problem is, it actually worked, at least for a while, if only because of the attitude I had. So you can imagine the shock when one day, pretty much out of the blue (but long overdue), I looked in the metaphorical mirror and realized how wrong I was all this time.

I believe life is like a puzzle, to make it work, you have to have the full set of pieces. Some are in the box and for some you have to look under the sofa. But if you really want to make the picture complete, you have to find them all.

Here's a couple of pieces I've found so far.

First of all, no matter how great a relationship you are in, no matter how great the person next to you is, if you put your life on hold and compromise all you goals and needs for the sake of it, it won't work. Because   "You have to be happy with your life first and then you can share it with someone"  . To put it simply, things should be in balance, the "me" and "us" should have the same importance and neither should be prioritised all the time.

My second missing piece was even more important, since the absence of it has affected my whole life. As simple as it seems, my second missing piece is the  "if I work hard" part in   "being special, I can become anything I want when I grow up, if I work hard on it"   . You might think it's silly or >use you own adjective<, but it really took me all those years and hell lot of struggling to find this one piece of my personal puzzle. And now, somehow, I would like to make up for all those lost years and wasted time.

That is why I have given myself a deadline and this is the reason I've decided to write a blog about the road that lies ahead of me.

I want help, I want to know what people think about how I prioritise, about the decisions I'm about to make, about the directions I'm taking. And about the pieces of puzzle I'm still missing.

I am motivated, I have the drive to get me where I need to be and, hopefully, for the first time I actually have enough pieces of the puzzle to figure out how to get there. Still, I would like to know what you think...